Swinger Stereotypes, Part 1

First, a disclaimer: Any "swinger stereotypes" mentioned in this article are for satirical purposes only. While they are based on our own personal experiences in the swinging lifestyle, we are not attempting to hurt feelings. For entertainment purposes only.

So, as a couple who has a lot of experience in the lifestyle, we have interacted with a whole lotta lifestylers. And it's funny to see patterns form: Some of which are concerning, others which are downright hilarious. Today we will share a few of the "types" of swinger couples we encounter, and how you can spot them for yourself!

The "Particular" Swingers

Their bios say things like, "We are very particular about the people we play with, so don't take it personally if we're not interested." They list a litany of requirements they have before hooking up. What one must look like, frequency and type of play, socioeconomic level, where they go for lifestyle activities, and on and on and on....

Case in point: We read a bio the other day that read as follows (you can't make this stuff up): "Men, please look straight down at your cock. Can't see it? You aren't the right fit for us. Ladies, wrap your fingers around your wrist. Can't do it? You're not for us. Nothing personal, but we are very aesthetically driven, and we don't play with anyone we deem less attractive than us."

Again, no judgment, you do your thing. Everyone gets to decide what they are in the lifestyle for. From personal experience, though, these picky swingers are often losing out on amazing experiences with amazing people. They likely intimidate even very attractive lifestylers and therefore do not receive nearly as much attention as they would if they focused less on physical attributes.

The "Very Careful" Swingers

These are the ones that live 10 minutes from you, but they wouldn't dare meet you in public. You know, because 4 people having a drink together automatically tells the world they are banging.... These are the people that will tell you they will happily meet you at that event next month. The one 4 hours from home, where they're pretty sure nobody will recognize them from work. See them at the grocery store a week later, though, and you best pretend like you've never seen them a day in your life! They can't have people getting the wrong idea about them.

These are also the people that will NEVER send a face picture. Not even if they meet you on a lifestyle site, where you are verified and have been actively using the profile for 4 years. Where they can clearly see that you're immersed in the lifestyle space due to your verifications from other members and friends list. They will happily look at your face pics, but then expect you to roll the dice on physical attraction and spend a weekend away just to meet them.

The "Anything Goes" Swingers

Rules shmules, these swingers just want to have a good time! Boundaries? What boundaries? As long as you show up with booze, they are good to go! These are usually seasoned lifestylers who have seen it all, so nothing is going to shock them or get a rise out of them.

I actually appreciate these swingers to a certain degree. They're usually so comfortable with themselves and their relationship that a lot of fun can ensue. When it gets scary? When we receive messages like, "Hey, you guys should come on over this weekend! We're have a bunch of people over, mostly people we've chatted with on Reddit. We don't know them, but they seem cool enough. BYO drugs, and condoms if you use them!" Uhhhhh, no thank you.

The "So Many Rules" Swingers

Polar opposite of the "anything goes" folks, these swingers want to dissect a potential play situation to death. They will reach out during the first few messages providing you with the 47 things that are completely off limits should you all decide to get naked together. When you do get naked, make sure you don't look at his wife for too long....It will bother him.

While I totally respect boundaries and the right for every couple to choose their own rules, let me say this: I simply can't with the "so many rules" swingers. My ADD kicks in, I start thinking about the 1,001 ways I might mess this up, and I dry up like the Sahara Desert! Sucking the fun out of every scenario is not the way to set a sexy atmosphere...

The "Clubbing" Swingers

You'll never see these swingers on the lifestyle sites. They don't need them. They would prefer to show up at the clubs on Saturday nights and "meet" you with the music pounding and the lights going. They have a giant closet in a spare bedroom at home filled with every themed costume you can imagine, so they're ready for any party at the drop of a dime!

They know their hometown club like the back of their hand. Need a tour? Don't bother an employee, these swingers can show you the ins and outs with ease. They know all the rules, and how to skirt them to make the most of their evening. No, they will not exchange numbers with you after your night of passion together, that would eliminate all the fun! In fact, do we really need to exchange names?

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Part 2 coming soon! Comment below if you have your own "swinger stereotype" you'd like included in the next post!